Post Divorce ConflictAugust 1, 2013 3:33 pm Comments Off on Post Divorce Conflict
Recently I was asked a question about using therapy as a mechanism to end the on-going conflict that many co-parents experience post divorce.
While I am licensed as a therapist, I don’t practice therapy – only mediation. I do believe that while the mediation process is not therapy, it is therapeutic. And, if co-parents, with issues, are willing to come into mediation the process can bring amazing results.
Sadly, people sometimes believe that divorce will put a stop to the family issues they are facing. Then the reality hits: As long as there are children, co-parents are stuck with each other and the same issues will continue to pop up and play out until someone does something differently.
Believe it or not, I can tell you what the main issue is in 99% of high-conflict relationships. It may be masked by something else, wrapped in details like “custody,” or expressed in terms of money. But, underneath it all, someone (usually both sides) feel devalued. That’s what conflict (especially post-divorce conflict) is all about. If co-parents can get to the underlying theme – someone feels dismissed, discounted, disenfranchised, disrespected, stop devaluing one another, and show the other parent (and the children) some appreciation, the conflict can end. Either parent can go first.